This past week, at a number of holiday parties with both adults and kids, I was reminded of how irksome I find it when parents introduce me to their children as “Jessie.”
Yo. I’m “Miss Jessie” to your child. Period. Parents, it’s not your prerogative. Assume a preference for a higher level of formality, after all, there is a hierarchy here and it’s a very natural one acknowledged by, um, I don’t know, probably 99% of all human history and culture other than Americans in the last 20 years.
I’m an adult. Your kid is a kid. I’m not a peer to your child. I can be friendly. I can be sweet. But, unless I’m at your house three days a week, I’m “Miss Jessie” to your child.
Another thing — and I could be wrong here –but I’m pretty darn sure that a junior is always introduced *to* a senior. In the case of kids and adults, a child should be introduced to an adult; not the other way around, as I find most common in America.
It just irks me.
And, as one who sees infinitesimally small details and how they add up to a huge picture, I have to tell you, folks, this little detail of how your child is presented to adults is neither “small’ to the child, the parents of the child, or society at large.
So, here’s the wrap up: It’s Miss Jessie if you’re under 12. Over 12, Jessie … or, if you’re super-cool and an adult, you can call me JessieX. 
6 Comments
December 22, 2008 at 7:15 am
This was one of the more interesting discussions that my wife and I had when she was pregnant with my daughter (5 years ago now). How do we have her refer to adults? Ms. FirstName? Ms. LastName? Just FirstName. etc.
We really put a lot of time and thought into it. I was on the verge of going with Ms. LastName. My wife preferred Ms. FirstName. Both of us thought it was important to have the Ms. part.
December 22, 2008 at 7:43 am
The “Miss Jessie” thing is a Southernism that I abhor! I was raised to believe that appellation was
for maids, hairdressers, etc. If people do not know you well, they should call you Miss Lastname, whether they are children or adults. It is then up to you to say, “Please, call me Miss Firstname,” if that is what you wish. As to the order of introduction, you are probably right and we are ignorant or out of practice. However, if people are trying to do the right thing by making an introduction of any kind, I think you should accept their goodhearted effort.
December 22, 2008 at 11:12 am
Growing up in New Jersey the respectful form as a kid was always Mr. and Mrs. Lastname, except for close friends of family, who got the Aunt or Uncle Firstname distinction. Mom’s friends were always introduced as”Aunts”, related or not.
December 22, 2008 at 12:44 pm
I like all these options. MacsMom, I’d be happy to be called Miss Newburn, with an option to invite a child to call me Miss Jessie. (And, yes, a super-Southern Miss Carol in my neighborhood as a child is the one who started this cultural meme.)
Doug, if I noticed you and your wife orienting toward Ms., that’d be just fine with me. I’d be happy to respect your desire to modernize the appellation a bit.
Rob, the Mr. & Mrs. doesn’t deal with not-married adult women. That’s a tougher one for me to swallow.
December 31, 2008 at 6:15 am
I agree with your assessment of modern manners and issues of respect. It’s a further indication of the ’slobification’ of America to quote Tim Gunn. But there’s one more thing…your name is your name and it’s your choice–Ms., Miss, Mrs. Mrs. Jr, Aunt, Uncle, Yo, Sue, Susie, Susan–it’s not the choice of the person introducing you. I hate any derivative of my name corrected people when meeting people for years. They sometimes are insulted. I don’t correct those who call me Mrs. C when I’m really a Miss just because it’s none of their business.
PS I love your blog!
June 26, 2009 at 10:21 am
I come very late to this one, but courtesy titles are a subject I’m often arguing about. First, I’m British, so my views on forms of address is probably different from those of American readers. But, from my point of view, I agree (more or less) with Jessie that a child – certainly one under 12 – should by default refer to an adult as Ms/Mr/Mrs/Miss [Lastname], and certainly not by the first name only. The adult may choose to ask the child to use their first name, but it shouldn’t be assumed.
On the point macsmom made about ‘Miss [Firstname]‘, in British society too it’s also a formation historically reserved for servants to use to address the children of the household (it shows deference but also indicates the authority of an adult over a child).
Strictly speaking, by that set of standards it wouldn’t be appropriate for a modern child to use that form to address an adult. The adult should instead be addressed as ‘Miss [Lastname]‘. (On a vaguely related point – one relevant to the constant arguments over the merits of ‘Ms’ – it’s worth noting that, originally, ‘Miss’ was only used to address a young woman while she lived under her parents’ roof, to distinguish her from her mother. Once she left home, she became a woman in her own right and whether she was married or not she was addressed as ‘Mistress’ – ‘Mrs’ for short.)